About Loving
by LynnMashihita
Summary: Loving is about giving, protecting, and ready for losing. First time writing romance
1. Chapter 1

_Brugh!_

A loud thud suddenly heard in front of him, made him averted his attention from his phone and looked forward, and met with those dark orbs glared at him with no fear. He was stunned in his place. His heart stopped beating so sudden and he was kind of locked with those eyes. Those beautiful eyes. Those stunning eyes.

"Who's he?"

Was the only question came out from his mouth after fighting hard to release himself from those eyes.

"A curious brat who witness our trade."

He looked up and stared at his friend and then looked back at the boy in front of him.

"What should we do to him?"

He looked back to his friend without blinking, silently told him to move away, which was gladly obediently the latter followed.

He waited for the door to be closed before looked back to the boy. He stood up and walked over. He reached for his chin to make him faced him again, just to receive another glare that locked his eyes. His heart stopped beating again. He lost his words, and he felt his body all tingly under the glare. He stood up and walked away to another door of the room and opened it.

"Hurry up. Before I change my mind."

The boy was just looking at him in wonder for a moment. And he almost gaped when he realized what the older meant by his words, before stood up and passed him.

"Thank you."

It was almost a whisper but he felt his heart melted with the deep voice of him. He closed the door softly and leaned over it. He closed his eyes, tried hard to sooth himself. _What happened to me?_

* * *

_Two years later._

The dark brown hair, the tall and thin posture, and the sharp yet longing stare. He remembered all parts of him. The street was full of people passing by but he could easily found him. The one haunted his dream every night since the first time he saw him. The one filled his memory every day since he released him that day. He wanted him to stay, caged him inside his authority, but it would be dangerous for the boy. His men would choke him with drugs and he didn't want that.

He was clean. He knew it from the very start. He was different from them. He looked like them but he smelt different. He knew that he should do something or else the boy would be doomed. He had to release him before one of his men touched him. Is it a jealousy? He didn't know. He just didn't want anybody else touched him. Why? He didn't even know. He just remembered that his heart stopped beating for a moment every time his eyes met with his.

He didn't even know his name. But he had those eyes in his memory. Eyes which full of rebellions for them, full of willing to stay alive, yet, he found a longing part on them. But he couldn't find any weakling sign. He looked like that he would fight them no matter what. He would put every effort to not lose over them, and he looked hard to be conquered. He didn't look like a person who wanted to just surrender to his fate.

And he fell for those eyes.

And now, after two years not seeing him, he met him again. He saw him again, walking lazily in the cross path in front of him. Was it fate? Did it mean that he had a chance to start everything once again? Did it mean that he was blessed? So why didn't he try? _There's nothing to lose to try, right? I don't want to hurt him, anyway. I just want to know what he had done to me until I couldn't sleep soundly every night because I badly wanted to see him again. I just want to ask him a question. A question about what he had done to me. Not more than that.  
_

He started the car when the light turned green and drove it slowly with the hope that he would see him in the sidewalk. But he didn't. He didn't see any shadow of him. He stopped his car and walked out of the car and looked around. So many people looked at him curiously but he didn't care. He looked at every face passed him but nothing.

Not any single trace of him.

He sighed after a moment and went in to his car and started the engine. _Fine. Maybe it's just a coincidence. Fate doesn't at my side. He is just trying to fool me. Again. Fine. You win, Fate. Do as you want._

And he drove away with disappointment fulfilling his heart. The hope that rose few times ago sank to the level where he didn't want to do anything. He lost his will even to just get out of his car. He stood silently in front of his apartment building and looked at the second floor, where his door silently called him to enter. He then chuckled at his own stupidity before hesitantly stepped up to his room. He was just going to open the door when a figure showed up from the stairs. He was stunned again. The figure he badly wanted to meet after the encounter walked over to his direction. His heart beat fast so sudden until he felt it would stop suddenly when he then saw him stopped in front of a door. He almost called him when he remembered that he didn't know his name. He wanted to just call him with any name, but when he just wanted to open his mouth, the person had closed his door, left him gaped in his place.

But then, a slight smile tugged on his lips and he closed his door with happiness fulfilling his heart.


	2. Chapter 2

The sound of moving vehicles on the far highway came and went, mixed with the voices of children who played softball not far from the bridge, were like a monotonous rhythm in his ears. He smiled and closed his eyes, enjoying the calming atmosphere in the river side.

"How's the place?"

Yamato turned around to see the worried face of his best friend. He smiled slightly. "It's fine."

"I mean, this is the first time for you to live alone, right? I told you that you can move to my house. My sister said it's okay too as long as you want to share a room with me."

"No. Really. It's fine. I can't depend to my mom forever, right? Now or later made nothing difference. In the end, I have to think about myself. I have to stand alone on my feet if I want to survive in this world. Depending on others won't make me reached everything I want."

_Matured_. Ren observed his best friend in silence. He looked at him with awe. One turning point in his life made him turned into someone he never thought he would be. He couldn't see his friend who always tried to become the leader among all of them. He couldn't see his friend who always became the explosive one. He was now looking so calm and matured. Unconsciously he smiled and nudged him.

"You know you can count on me."

Yamato snorted. "I'm not a child you know. I grew up. Living alone isn't that bad."

"It is that bad when you never did before."

Yamato looked at Ren and found the concern look on him. He then smiled and looked away.

"You do know that I'm the expert of living alone. There were so many times I should stay in the house all alone all night while my sister was working. And I know how it feels. And I still remember clearly that I hated it."

_It's so lonely you know. There_'s _nobody will welcome you home every time you arrived. No one will answer you even you yell 'I'm home' loudly. It feels so lonely because you know that you're alone in that house._

"I've told you it's okay. I guess I can manage it. It's not really that bad." Suddenly he remembered something. "It's just …"

Ren looked at him and found a slight sign of unsecured feeling in him. "What?"

Yamato pouted slightly before smiled again. "It's nothing. Forget it."

"Yamato," He reached his hand and made him turned to him. "I told you that you can talk everything to me, remember?"

Yamato looked at Ren in silent and he knew that he could hide anything from him now. He sighed. "I don't know. You can say that I'm just being paranoid, but …, lately I feel like I've been being watched. I feel like somebody was always watching every move I made."

"Stalker?" Ren stiffened.

"You made it sound … weird?"

"Yamato, this isn't a joking. You do realize that your instinct was always right. When you said there's something wrong then there's something wrong. Since when did you feel that way?"

Yamato tried to remember. "Mm, few days ago, I don't know. But I don't feel any danger, okay?"

"Danger or not, stalking people is not something you could forgive that easy, Yamato. We should find him soon and tell him to stop stalking at you."

Yamato furrowed his eyebrows. "How do you that it's _him_?"

"Yes. How can you be so sure that it's _him_? What if it's _her_ who stalks Ogata? He's good looking. I believe there're so many girls in this town who would sacrifice their life just to stalk him when they know that he's living alone now."

The both boys turned around to see their homeroom teacher was looking at them with curiosity drawn all over her face.

"I told you to not pop up that sudden!" Yamato hissed at her.

"Sorry, I'm just passing by and saw you seem drowning in a very deep talking so I've tried to find out what it is."

"Were you eavesdropping?"

"I didn't. You're talking loudly so I could hear it clearly without eavesdropping."

The both boys could only stare at their teacher in disbelief. They knew that it's useless for them to shoo her away because it would make her curiosity grew deeper so they decided to let her be.

Ren sighed. "I just couldn't imagine there's a girl who decided to stalk this person just to get his love."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Yamato stared at him, demanded an explanation of his statement.

"It's nothing. It's just … it. I can't imagine any scenario of a girl stalked Yamato to get his love. It's more reasonable if the stalker is a man because it's just … fit."

Yamato made a deep thought, tried hard to digest all his friend said but found himself fell into confusion. "I don't get it. Isn't it normal for everybody to be stalked by opposite gender? Even me?"

Ren pouted and looked away from Yamato. "I don't know, okay. I just … feel that it would be more reasonable if your stalker is a man and the reason of the stalking is about to find out your weakness or something."

Yamato nodded many times, understood about what his friend tried to say. It was really more reasonable if his stalker was a man like he said. But didn't. She smirked and nudged at Ren's side. "Are you jealous?"

Ren looked at her in horror. "Are you kidding me? I like him a lot. But no more than a friend. I'm straight, you know. You'd better ask him whether he's straight or not!" He pointed at Yamato but didn't dare to look at him, made the latter giggled right away.

"Ogata, are you straight or not?"

And the sudden straight forward question made him laugh so hard until tears flew out of his eyes.

"Ogata, you can't just laugh at my question. The basic rule of a conversation is that you should answer the question being asked to you."

Yamato shed his tears with his hand and looked at both of them. "Okay, okay, I'll be honest."

Both Ren and Yamaguchi looked at him in silence, as if they tried to get ready for the revelation of something big.

"Actually I don't know whether I'm straight or not." Yamato looked away to the cars on the highway far away. "I don't feel anything to both girl and boy. I can't imagine myself to love someone from the both gender. I don't know. Do you think it's wrong that way?"

The both person gaped at the answer.

"No. It's not. Maybe you just … don't meet with the right person, yet. It needs time you know to know that kind of feeling."

"Yes, yes." Yamaguchi nodded many times. "One day you will find someone who made you fall in love deeply until you can't avert you eyes from her. Or from him. Don't be so rush. Love isn't something to be rushed. Just let it flow like the wind blow, like the flowing river, like the sun ..."

"Stop it. You start to creep me out." Yamato hissed while looking at his teacher.

The woman turned to him. "That's the best thing to find love, right?"

"Then find it for yourself." Kazama whispered right in front of her ears before pulled Yamato to walk away from the place.

"Eh? Wait! Where are you going? Don't cause any trouble, okay?"

The both boys didn't even look back at her, made her pout at their silence answer.


	3. Chapter 3

She turned over to see her son once again, feeling unsure about his decision to live alone. "Are you sure it's okay? You know that you can live with us. Even Ken prepared a room for you in the house."

Yamato chuckled slightly. "Mom, I grew up. Sooner or later I have to get out of the house. Why don't I do it now? It really is okay. Don't worry. I can handle it."

"But you never live alone before ... "

"Mom, I've told you that I grew up, okay? Stop this. You made me like I'm a child who can't do anything on my own."

Yoshiko stared at his child lovingly. _You grew matured. But why I don't like this feeling. It suffocated me. It's like you're trying to avoid me._

"Listen, the distance between ... "

"No." He cut it out before his mother finished her sentence, made the woman looked at him. "Please. I'm trying. You should try to live your own life too. You have your husband now. Please, be happy and never think about me again because I can handle this. I'm fine."

Yoshiko lost her words. She forgot about what she was going to say. The seriousness in his tone made her keep her mouth shut right away.

"Okay. But call me if you need anything, okay?"

Again, Yamato chuckled at his mother.

"Yamato, I mean it."

"Okay, okay. I'll call when I need anything."

The woman sighed before turned over to walk down the stairs and went with the taxi which had waited for her by the street.

Yamato walked back to his apartment and unconsciously stopped in front of the door. He stood up and saw the closed door with a long face. He felt lonely so sudden. He closed his eyes when the feeling suffocated him more and opened again just to receive the same blank brown wooden door stared at him coldly. He sighed and decided to take a walk to ease his mind.

The dazzling night of the town welcomed him when he stepped down the sidewalk down town. So many people passed by. Some laughed, some smiled, and some giggled. He smiled at himself, feeling envied about how they could live their life happily.

"If you think you can laugh that free, you're wrong."

He turned over to be faced by a cold expression of his father.

"You broke our family apart. You'd better remember that."

Yamato kept his mouth shut. He knew it and now he had accepted it. He had broken his family apart. He deserved to feel this lonely feeling he felt since he decided to live alone.

"And if you think you can be happy in your life, then you are the most egoist person in this world, Yamato. You have to pay for everything you did. You had destroyed one's life. You don't deserve a happy life. Never."

The man looked at his eyes intently before walked away from his sight.

Yamato looked away, tried hard to prevent his tears from falling. _I knew it. I don't deserve any happiness in this world. But at least Mom is happy now. She found her happiness so it's okay with me. I don't care about my own life as long as she could live happily._

His shoulders slumped and he decided to go home. He walked silently and almost carelessly and it was too late for him to realize that he was slipping on the stairs.

A hand grabbed him hard, prevented him from falling down the stairs, and pulled him to stand straight on his feet again. He was still trying to digest everything when a slight smile beamed at him. He looked at his helper with no words. He was still shocked until his mind couldn't work. He wanted to say something him but no word came out of his mouth.

"You'd better not dreaming while walking alone. It's just a coincidence that I saw you fell from the stairs. Do you realize what will happen to you if you really fall down there?"

The man pointed at the floor below him and Yamato obediently followed his finger and could only blinked many times at the empty floor below him.

"Not just concussion, but you might die. Is that what you really wanted?"

Yamato was only staring at the man in front of him. He didn't know what he had been thinking. So far he remembered his mind was blank. He didn't even remember how he got home. He looked at his helper again and suddenly his eyes when something flashed in his memory. He gaped at the familiar face that smiled in front of him. A memory suddenly rushed back to his mind looking at the figure stood up in front of him.

"This ... is the second time you help me. Thank you." He could only produce a very weak voice as the result of his shock. He looked around in anticipation, made the latter smiled again.

"Don't worry. I'm all alone. They're gone. I decided to start a new life. Here, alone, and trying to live normally. No drug to sell or consume, no blood to shed, no life to be killed, just me. There's nothing else."

Yamato blinked his eyes many times at the person.

"Don't you want to invite me in? You live here, don't you?"

"Ah," Yamato suddenly realized his stupid response. "Sure. Come on in. But I'm sorry, I don't have anything." He threw a glance, not sure about his answer because they just met. It's just a coincidence that he helped him from falling of the stairs. _Is it okay if I invite him in?_

The older realized it though. He smiled slightly. "It's okay. I just have to sit and we can talk anything randomly. I won't do anything to you, trust me. I live next door since last week. I just need someone to talk. It's boring to live alone all day long without someone to talk."

Masaru walked in to the room and definitely saw nothing in it. It was only a sofa and a little table, made the room looked very wide. He could clearly read the loneliness in the room. He looked at the younger who opened his fridge and he could tell that he really didn't have anything in it.

"I only have water."

"Water's okay. It's healthy."

And Yamato gave him a bottle of water before sat on the floor. He admitted that deep inside him he felt secured with his presence. He didn't know why, though, but he didn't care. He kind of loved the feeling. He leaned to the sofa when he felt a nudge on his shoulder. He turned to see a silence question in his eyes.

"What?"

"Say something. I came to talk, so talk."

He gaped at the request. He didn't have anything in his mind. He was never been the one who start the talking even when he was with his friends. He was always being the one who only chuckled or gave a simple agreement for their stupid talks or ideas. But now he was forced to start the talk. _What should I do? Is it okay for me to ask anything? What if I touch the wrong part of him? What if he suddenly gets mad at my question? What if he doesn't like about the topic I choose?_

Masaru smiled amusingly at the sight in front of him. The younger was looked so funny yet he found him cute at the same time when he was thinking hard, made his heart skipped beat with every wrinkle shown in his forehead, showing him the number of questions formed in the latter's mind.

"You don't have to think that much to start a question, Yamato. Can I call you that?"

Yamato turned to him, almost glared at him but then his eyes averted from him

"I'm not afraid of your glaring, boy. Remember that I am stronger than you. And I'm more experienced if you forget."

Yamato kept his mouth shut. He knew it that's why he decided to avert his eyes from him.

"I've had enough with that though."

Yamato turned to him again, throwing him a silence question about his words.

"Two years in jail was enough for me to know that I took the wrong path, that I have to start everything from the beginning again, and that this life is worth enough to be fought. The happiness is out there and I have to reach it with my own hands. No one will help me if I don't help myself."

Yamato stared blankly to the floor. He didn't know why but his words stabbed him deeply. He decided to surrender to his fate that he didn't deserve any happiness in this life after what he had done to his family. But this man, the person he had just met, as reminded him that he was wrong. He knew that he said the words for himself but he felt he threw it to him directly. He gulped slightly.

"I guess I have to leave you now."

Yamato looked at too quickly until he felt a little dizzy attacked him. He closed his eyes but then opened it again just to see the older smiled slightly to him.

"Want me to stay here longer? I don't mind. But you have school tomorrow. And I know that you have a really scary teacher in your school who will nag you endlessly if you come late. Just try to not think about anything and take some sleep, okay. It will help."

"I don't …" Yamato stopped his words because he didn't know what to say. He looked away to find the suitable words but failed.

Masaru smiled slightly. "It's okay to admit you are lonely. It's not a sin and it's definitely not a shameful thing. Try to be honest to yourself and never blame yourself for anything. It will be a good start for you." He patted Yamato's head before walked away.

Yamato watched the door being closed softly without words. His mind was blank. He wanted to say that he was lonely like he just said but no word came out of his mouth. The man looked understood about him without asking. He laid his head on the couch and stared at the blank ceiling. _Is it okay for me to be honest that I am lonely? Is it okay for me to say 'would you stay with me tonight'?_

He straightened his head right away when he realized the thought was weird. He felt his cheek went warm. _What I'm thinking of? Am I crazy? There's no way I ask him that question. It sounds like I'm asking him to sleep with me._ He shook his head when the thought kept appeared in his mind. _Stupid Yamato! Stop thinking weird thing. Just go to sleep or you will be late for school tomorrow. There's no one will wake you up like before. Mom's not here so you have to wake up on your own. Just go to sleep!_


End file.
